Climbing on

How long has it been since I last posted? Two months ago?

After the training, my life has been pretty hectic. But I'm starting to warm up to it. After a month long training in Manila, I realized that there's still a lot that I need to learn and experience. I hate it when I do not know what to do, it makes me look dumb and clueless but come to think of it, I am clueless (but not dumb, alright?)

First week on the job was tough. I have to get to know the people I work with (e.g my boss, my office mates whom I only see once a week, my new cubicle. Luckily, my work isn't a living hell as what I thought it would be, thanks to my boss who is there to answer my concerns. What scares me is that he might get fed up with it. I just hope and pray that he won't feel that way yet, not until I have fully grasped everything that I needed to function well enough as a trainer.

for the past 4 weeks, I have met so many people that I cannot hardly remember their names neither their faces. And I have to adjust to being called as "ma'am" or "ma'am jean" (it's hard for some to pronounce my name as "Jen"). Plus, my life is like living on a suitcase. Fine, not a suitcase but an overnight bag. I travel frequently, sleeping in less than average hotels and riding on a bus (or my boss'/branch's Crosswind).

So, what lies ahead for me? I do not know. But I imagine myself climbing Mt. Apo, with rough edges and narrow trails. The top is still far, far away. But I can do it. I know I can. Just give me more time so I can be as good as my boss' former subordinates. If they can do it, I sure can too.

Makes me want to sing Miley's song.

Climbing the ladder

The last two weeks of my life was exciting. First, I quit my job. Then finally I got accepted as a trainer for a leading women's company. I felt great about it. I know that good things are coming my way and for the first time, I feel like finally, I have landed a job that will make me grow as an individual who wants to climb the ladder of success and financial freedom.

Now, on my first week, I have met so many new faces that I cannot even remember their names. And I was really glad that I met two fantastic ladies whom I shared the room with for almost 5 nights. My gratitude Miss Kelly and Miss Rizza for making me feel warm and welcome. They taught me so many things and I will always miss your company.

Now what I am worried about is this: I wonder what do my branch mates think of me? I can't seem to tell if they like me or not. I know I am likable. But regardless, what I want to focus on beginning this week is my upcoming training at the head office. This will surely put a lot of pressure on me but I kind of missed being pressured, in an attainable manner.

Listening to most people talk about the previous girls who passed in the hands of my new boss makes me nervous. I can't seem to avoid doubting myself. Can I do it? Will I be as efficient as they were? I do not know BUT I want to be one of the best, if not the best. And prove myself to everyone that I indeed deserve being hired.

Declaration:

I WILL BE A GREAT TRAINER.

And I will tell that to myself everyday.

Resignation

My resignation letter goes something like this:

Dear Sir & Ma'am:

For the past year and a half, I have truly enjoyed working with your company however due to personal reasons, I can no longer continue working with you.

It is a hard decision to make but I need to tender my resignation effective immediately to take care of important family matters that will ensure our financial security. Please understand that ever since my father died, we were not able to claim all the benefits entitled to my mother and it has been almost 2 years now since he passed away unexpectedly and the offices handling my father's benefits are urging us to take action as soon as possible. It has now fallen into my hands to take care of this matter for my family since my mother is not physically nor emotionally capable of doing so.

I will never forget all the goodness that you have showed me for the entire duration of my tenure. It has been fun, challenging and rewarding being able to work with you. I only wish more success for the company and that you can find the right people who will give their utmost enthusiasm and sincerity to you just like I did for the past year and a half. I have learned so many things from the both of you, and I will always keep all those things in mind, especially the things that I have learned about the law of attraction and staying positive at all times.

I do sincerely apologize for this sudden action and I would understand if this will upset you. Please understand that it is not my intention to make you feel that way. I will surely miss working at the office. If I can be any assistance to this transition, please let me know. I would be glad to help however that I can.


Sincerely,

Jen

P.S. This is indeed Goodbye. Till we meet again.

Birthday Cake

I attended the birthday party of my friend's son last night and I tagged along my brother, his girlfriend and their son/my nephew. It started pretty late but still, I know the kids had fun and so did the adults. Although I am not a mother (and I do not wish to be anytime soon), I felt really proud of my nephew who amazed everyone at the party last night.

What Bibbo did? First, he greeted Yuri (my friend's son) "Happy Birthday, Yuri!" And it was very well said considering that he is only a year and 11 months old. Then later on, I let him give Yuri's present which was wrapped in a huge box. Later that night, there were plastic balls present inside the room and some of the kids were fighting over it. Bibbo, with some prodding from his mom went to get his ball and lend it to the other kids. Everyone in the room was like, "awwww, that kid is so cute and nice!" It was nice to see him exposed to other children his age.

But what I truly realized from last night is that I am truly embarking the path of an adult. 5 years ago, I would never imagine myself in a children's party. But since turning 22, I have already attended several birthdays of friends' kids, christening and other celebrations related to children. My parents used to do that and now, I am in their shoes.

Adulthood: I used to dream about you when I was little. But now, I want my childhood back.

When beer makes a conversation more sensible

Last weekend, a friend and I went out to see Bella, Edward and Jacob's latest adventure -- Eclipse. I did enjoy the movie a bit but I didn't really like it as much because the third book in the Twilight Saga is the least that I like. I do not consider Breaking Dawn as part of the series because for me, it sucks. I totally got disappointed after reading its first chapter.

Moving on, after the movie, I went out with a few more friends (so there were four of us) and had some beer at local popular spot in the city. It was still pretty early so there were only a few people in the bar (which was good because I hate uber crowded bars) and we were able to talk for hours, catching up with each other 's life. After a few bottles, I went out to smoke (yes, I smoke but not at a crazy rate, honest!) with Mike. We've been friends since sophomore year in college and I can say that he definitely is the best guy friend a person can have. Smart and frank. I told him a few things about how I feel about my mother and he just listened, patted me at the back and told me not to give up on my mother. This is coming from a person who feels bad about his dad. After contemplating on what he told me, I felt better.

If we weren't drinking then, he probably won't say that to me because--I don't know--I think he doesn't have the time or patience to listen to me. We talked about his fallout with my friend and finally heard his side of the story I've been wanting to hear since they broke up in Cebu.

I don't really drink a lot. Not on a daily basis. I drink just for fun. I used to hate my dad for drinking too much but I know I will not follow his footsteps in the drinking department. Drinking alcohol is just temporary and when I turn 30, I'll probably drop it totally. And smoking too. But the thing is, if we didn't have alcohol in our system, I would probably never open up to anyone about my grudges against my mother. And I wouldn't hear his golden advice.

So geez, thanks Red Horse!

I miss my friends

I miss my friends.

I miss talking to them and having wild laughters. I find it funny that most of my friends and I live in the same city but we hardly see each other. Maybe, it's because we live in one of the largest cities in the Philippines that is why distance is such a problem. Or perhaps, our busy schedules never meet in the middle.

There was a time right after college graduation, that I joined them in an adventure far away from home. The experience was liberating for me having lived for the past 20 years of my life under the watchful eyes of my folks. My friends taught me several things about life, myself and in return I know they also learned something from me: control. Yes, I am a control freak. I just realized that now while writing this.

Today, I saw a dear friend. Not that we agreed to meet, but we happen to be on the same building at the same time. She was with her beau. I'd like to think that I am friends with her boyfriend but it felt different when an outsider is among our friendship circle. Can't talk too much, can't share secrets.

I wish I can see them more often. I miss my friends.

When your brain is in lazy mode

Here I am again. I just hate it when I am in this kind of phase. Knowing that I still have tons to do but my brain has stopped working. Or I'd like to put it that it my brain auto-switched to lazy mode.

It's terrible. I make a living as a writer and every time I go into lazy mode, I feel like I suck at my job. Heck, I do think I suck at my job. Although no one told me yet because none of my bosses are into writing either so nobody here at my workplace is capable of criticizing the things I come up with.

So what am I to do? I've read in Copyblogger that to become a better writer, you have to keep on writing even if you can't write anything at all. SO that's what I'm doing now. Perhaps, my brain will be motivated to switch back to its working mode.

Does this happen to you also? Or is it just me and my lazy self.

Better go out and smoke.